


what's a soulmate?

by IntrovertedOwl



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Idiots in Love, Introspection, Post-Season/Series 04, Pre-Season/Series 05, Reflection, canonverse, i hate waiting for the next season gdi, idek what this is, madi and spacekru are mentioned, post-episode 4x13: praimfaya, product of my impatience, this wait is too long i really want s5 NOW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 05:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13496228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntrovertedOwl/pseuds/IntrovertedOwl
Summary: Post Praimfaya, it's been two and a half years, and Bellamy and Clarke reflect on their relationship with each other.





	what's a soulmate?

**Author's Note:**

> Quotes in italics are from Dawson's Creek.

*

_Well, it's like a best friend, but more._

 

It's been two and a half years. She's been counting the days and she's made it to the half-way point. Technically, she knows she will probably have to wait longer than that now, even if they made it (she wasn't going to think of the other possibilities), things might go wrong in space, they might be delayed, they might have trouble getting back --

 

But she can't help but hope.

 

Her mother and Octavia and so many others she knew were in the bunker. And seven of her people in space. Murphy and Monty and Harper and Raven... And _Bellamy_.

 

It was to him she addressed all her messages to, every morning. To him that she described her day, the mundane, and the exciting, like finding Madi, wondering how he'd be with her (he was good with kids), or how he dealt with the responsibility (she appreciated the Octavia-protectiveness a lot more now). And he was at the centre of so many of the stories she told Madi about before. Of course he was. They went through most of it together... And when they weren't, well, things usually took a turn for the worse.

 

It was funny, she thought, how she'd now known Madi for much longer than she'd ever known Bellamy. Hell, she'd known Wells for years before even meeting Bellamy. With so many things happening on the ground since she'd left the Ark, it was easy to forget that they'd only been there for a few months before Praimfaya. And yet, it was Bellamy she missed the most. Bellamy, who she'd disliked intensely that first day on the ground, over the months had become the one person she'd trust, for anything and everything.

 

 

_It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else._

  
She thinks about how they could, and did, so often, communicate without words, short glances conveying so much, always in sync. The hundred that they'd taken under their wing, who looked up to them, looked to them to lead, and they alone knew how much it scared them, because they were as clueless in this new place as any of the rest, but they shared their burden, wordlessly agreeing that they would do what it took to save their own.

 

No matter what.

 

And they did.

 

They would sneak out, with help from some others, without telling her mom, to look for their friends, because they were in it together. Together, even if it meant massacring an entire population - they shared that blame too, the deaths of hundreds of innocents.

 

She knew what demons he faced, and he knew the deaths that haunted her, and they did what they could to help the other. Bellamy, writing her name on that list which decided who got the chance to survive and who didn't. Bellamy, turning to her as she said he'd heal, asking her in that vulnerable voice what to do when it turns out you might not be the good guy, and all she could do was echo what her mother had once said to her - that maybe there are no "good" guys.

 

  
_It's someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you._

 

When she kept telling him that she needed him, that they needed each other, she meant it, because she saw what happened when they tried working alone. She let that missile strike Ton DC, she sent Bellamy to the mountain where he was tortured and drained of blood, she stayed back at Polis when she should have been with the rest of them - with Bellamy, each of them struggling with the consequences of their actions alone. She had made some huge mistakes as she tried to be the leader that everyone expected her to be, like Ton DC, like closing that bunker door - but together? Together, they faced the grounders when they were first attacked, together they faced the mountain men, together, they made it through to Polis and defeated ALIE.

 

They called her the Wanheda, they called her a leader, they said she was born for this, when in reality, she couldn't have done half of it if Bellamy hadn't been there. Bellamy with his determination and strength, the guy the hundred would have followed to the death.

 

"You inspire them because of _this_ ," she had said, placing a hand against his chest, that last hour they had spent together, when really she should have said "inspire _us_ ". 

 

She remembered consoling him when he was heartbroken about Octavia's anger, telling him she'd come around and see how special he was, and she meant it.

  

It surprised her sometimes, when others didn't see it.

 

Because of course he was special.

 

 

 

*

_A soul mate is someone you carry with you forever._

 

Bellamy fiddled with the comms yet again, even though he knew if Raven said they couldn't do anything about it, they _really_ couldn't do anything about it. Still. Two and a half years. Two and a half more to go. And of all the things they'd left behind on Earth, none of them hurt as much as Clarke.

 

Technically, he knew there was nothing more they could have done. And he knew that Clarke would have wanted them to leave, if they'd stayed, none of them would be alive --

 

But it didn't hurt any less. And knowing that didn't lessen the number of dreams he had everyday, dreams in which he didn't have to leave her to get Monty, dreams in which they stayed back _together_ , dreams in which _she_ made it back in time, dreams in which he wasn't an idiot and hadn't waited till it was too late to tell her...

 

Some days were better, and the seven of them would get together and exchange tales. And sometimes it wouldn't even hurt that much to hear her name in one of the others' stories. He talked about her himself sometimes, how they found the guns together, or remembering their initial days when he and Murphy were the "scary" ones and Clarke despised him, and Monty would talk about Jasper, and how Clarke wouldn't give up on him, or their lives on the Ark, and Echo about her Azgeda childhood, although she was generally quieter than the rest, and Emori or Murphy would usually crack a joke before things got too serious.

 

And he would go back to bed feeling slightly less horrible, slightly wistful for those days.

 

 

_It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would._

 

They mostly talked about the happy stuff, and even then there were some moments that were too personal. He told them about finding the guns, but he didn't tell them about how he'd wanted to run away and Clarke had convinced him to stay, or that he'd asked her to come with him, and that she had refused, like he'd known she would, and that she knew he wouldn't really have run away either. And he would remember how she'd said that she needed him, _"if you want forgiveness, I'll give that to you",_ she had said, he didn't tell them how there was something about her that made him open up, talk about his mother, or Octavia, or his _feelings_. They had talked to Jaha the next day, preparing what to say beforehand, deciding on what to offer to him in exchange for a pardon.

 

He's not sure when it happened, or when he even realized it. Clarke had seen through him and his bullshit pretty early on, although it took them a while to actually become friends and trust each other, and somehow it was a hundred times more difficult to lead the others when she wasn't around. He remembered the hurt he'd felt when Clarke had sent him to Mount Weather because it was "worth the risk", even though it had been his idea in the first place. He'd buried it away, because there was no time to think about it then, and certainly no time to analyse the complicated mess that was his feelings about Clarke. ( _"You came through, I knew you would",_ he had heard her say over the radio, and he knew that she was already feeling guilty about sending him in alone, and he'd joked that all he'd done was not get killed, but it had felt _good_.)

 

But then, there never was time for anything, it was crisis after crisis on Earth. The carnage in Mount Weather, followed by Clarke leaving him, which again he had pretended, for as long as he could, didn't affect him as much as it did, and feeling even more abandoned when she chose to stay back in Polis. And look where that got him. Following Pike, Lincoln dying, Octavia's hate, nearly killing Kane, the deaths of three hundred grounders on his hands -- and at the end of it all, even though he had handcuffed Clarke when she tried to talk some sense into him, she never judged him for it, she _consoled_ him, when she should have been angry. And that was how they worked. The rest of them would hate them, and be angry, and shout at them, and rightfully so, and through it all, they'd give each other the forgiveness they required, leaning on each other, sharing the guilt, _together_.

 

 

_And no matter what happens, you'll always love her._

 

And then there were days that were the opposite, when her absence felt suffocating, when nothing anyone did was right, where he'd snap and growl at anyone coming near him, and he'd know he was being an asshole so he'd try to find some work where he could be alone.

 

That had happened more often earlier, when the pain was more raw, and the nightmares were worse, of Clark covered in radiation burns and vomiting black blood, and he'd wake up hating himself. Raven was about the only person brave enough to approach him on those days, maybe because she felt as guilty as he did for leaving her behind, or maybe because she'd been closer to Clarke than the others. They wouldn't always talk, just work in silence, or exchange curt comments. But one time they'd all had some of the moonshine and a slightly tipsy Raven had apologized to him for leaving Clarke behind and he'd said it wasn't her fault or any of theirs and they had ended up sitting on the floor lost in miserable thoughts and then she'd said something about how Clarke was the strongest person she'd ever known, and how she'd never told her that because she'd never quite forgiven her for Finn, and he told her about how she was hardly the only person with regrets about last words and not thinking they'd have time to sort out their issues and talk about feelings and he never elaborated on that, but it was _Raven_ , of course she _knew_.

 

Because as good as Clarke was at getting him to open up and talk about stuff he normally wouldn't, he would still dance around the topic when it came to _them_. He'd tried a couple of times, like when she'd said Octavia would see how "special" he is, it had thrown him off, and he'd wanted to tell her then, just in case they wouldn't see each other again, but she'd shook her head and then they'd been interrupted by Roan and the moment was gone --

 

But she must have known, right? She must have known what she meant to him. Hell, from the comments and the looks he got from Murphy and Monty and Harper, it's like _everyone_ knew.

 

He remembered talking to Kane about how he couldn't tell Octavia that he loved her even at the end of the world, and Kane saying he didn't have to because she knew.

 

He hoped to God Clarke did too.

 

 

_Nothing can ever change that._

_*_

**Author's Note:**

> I don't generally like the soulmates idea, I don't even read soulmate AUs, but I saw this quote and it was so beautiful and fit them so perfectly I *had* to :D
> 
>  
> 
> I'm teamtonystarkneedsahug on tumblr, if you guys want to chat/fangirl/critique! :)


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